


Karma & A toxic addiction...

by Fangirlqueen87



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Guilt, Heartbreak, Karma - Freeform, M/M, Self Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 04:53:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4692767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirlqueen87/pseuds/Fangirlqueen87
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron hates Robert, but he can't shake off the feelings buried deep inside. What happens when the lovers come face to face again? Will Aaron give in? Will Robert let him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another 'meant to be short' fanfic that turned into two chapters! Hope you enjoy this one!

Aaron was a mess, even worse than usual. It had been two months since the affair was revealed and the helicopter crashed into the village hall, nearly killing everyone in sight. Aaron couldn't help but feel responsible for the events that had led up to the disaster, yet whenever his head would cram full of guilt and worry Adam, Chas and Paddy didn't hesitate in bringing up his name. Robert. In their minds it was all Robert. Aaron knew they were wrong, he knew that although Robert did most of the chasing, Aaron didn't say no. He let Robert crawl back to him time after time, knowing for well that the outcome would result in disaster. Aaron sighed heavily as he asked himself why he had allowed himself to be messed around again and again. He instantly got an answer he dreaded, Love.

The love he had for Robert was overwhelming throughout their whole relationship. The passion, lust and desire that Aaron felt every time they were apart had kept him going.

It was almost half nine when Aaron made his way downstairs passing the hallway and unlocking the back door, escaping slowly into the night. He had now idea where he was going or what he was doing, yet as he made his way towards the bus stop it all became clear. He needed to see Robert.

How weird was that? How messed up and sick was it that Aaron craved to see the man who had nearly killed him. The idea made him sick as Aaron banged his head lightly on the side of the bus stop. Suddenly Aaron turned his head towards Sam’s small cottage opposite him, starring up at the window on the left, looking up and realising the light was on. Aaron couldn't help but feel his heart race as he imagined Robert staring right back at him.

The two had not spoken to each other at all after the crash, yet it felt like they had spoken a thousand words. Robert had tried his hardest to stay out of Aaron's way after realising how stressed and guilty he had become once more . Over the last month, Robert had managed to communicate with Aaron only in stares. Whenever their eyes met across the room Robert only had to tilt his head slightly in order to say exactly what he thought. The gesture meant ‘I know you hate me but I hope your okay’.

The looks and signals had been enough to get Robert through the months without Aaron, but if hadn't been enough to stop Robert thinking about him everyday.

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Aaron began to fidget erratically as he pulled himself to his feet and ripped his eyes away from the cottage ahead. The thought of Robert had unleashed floods of tears, frustrating Aaron as he clenched his fits tightly. How could he still want him? How could the affection he had still have this much effect on him? After everything that had happened, he hated him entirely yet still he craved to see him.

The months that had gone by had been unbearable for Aaron as he watched Robert be rejected by his family one by one. Andy had quickly punched Robert and told him exactly what he thought of him before kicking him out of his home. Victoria had originally pitied her brother yet as she heard the confrontations between Andy and him she had grown to resent him much like Andy. After hearing Robert bite back to Andy’s degrading comments the respect she had for Robert had disappeared, leaving Robert to grovel to Diane. It didn't get him far, as soon as Chas realised what Robert was doing she told him where to go, mentioning Aaron's feelings as Diane stood silent allowing Robert to leave. Robert had almost given up on finding any help until he saw Sam in the village, 'simple Sam' Robert had said to himself before walking up to him sitting quietly in the pub. Amost instantly Robert realised it was a mistake finding help from Aaron's family,

"Er you do know ... that me and Aaron are family. I ... I don't know ... what he'd say about it." Sam has said rather awkwardly after Robert had asked him about his spare room. It was almost to easy to win Sam round, reminding him that he still worked for him and promising a substantial rise in pay had sufficed.

Aaron's reaction to the news of Robert living with Sam didn't go unnoticed by Chas, it had almost destroyed her son as he watched his ex lover pile boxes onto the front of Sam’s cottage. His stomach began to churn as Aaron sat surrounding by the dark night and cool breeze, the need to see Robert began to eat him up. The fact that Aaron and Robert had never talked about the night at the lodge had kept Aaron craving for time with Robert, desperately wanting to understand what Robert was thinking. The burning desire had began to make Aaron shake uncontrollably, instantly Aaron shot up from his seat making his way towards the cottage hell bent on getting answers.

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Robert couldn't sleep, the thought of Aaron alone made his eyes stay open wildly staring into the distance. Suddenly Robert felt the back door of the cottage unlock loudly, Aaron stood panting heavily as he made his way into the cottage seeking out Robert.

Robert felt his heart race as he creeped down the stairs. All at once Robert gasped loudly as he looked at the intruder. Aaron stood staring at Robert feeling the tears begin to overrule his eyes. It had been months since Aaron and Robert had been as close as they were now. Robert couldn't help but stare at Aaron soft blue eyes, examining the puffiness surrounding his eyes and the red blush covering his cheeks. Aaron stared back, his breathing intensified as he gazed at Robert's soft lips and the cluster of freckles that rested on his face.

Aaron and Robert were face to face, inhaling the others scent, the silence continued filling the air with tension. Neither of them dared to look away, the thought seemed impossible as Robert gazed into Aaron's eyes. Robert couldn’t remember the last time he had been able to admire for this long, every time he had attempted to in the past month he was stared down by either Chas or Adam who caught him gazing at Aaron. The proximity between the pair slowly grew smaller as Aaron edged himself closer to Robert, the chemistry between them becoming electric. Sparking off a sense of lust in Aaron as he lunged forward and crashed his lips into Robert’s panting slightly. Robert felt his lips tingle as he moved in further deepening the kiss slightly as he rested his hand on Aaron's head.

The kiss lasted minutes as the pair pulled and sucked on each other's lips, filling the air was passionate and igniting the desire and fire once more. Aaron became lost in the moment, forgetting the hate he had for the man who he was kissing so passionately. The kiss managed to become even deeper as Robert pushed Aaron against the wall and began to pant heavily. Robert had never felt so alive, flashbacks of their previous kisses flooded his mind as he was reminded of how amazingly affectionate Aaron could be. Suddenly Aaron pulled away harshly, pushing Robert against the wall hard, startling Robert who had become overwhelmed with love.

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“This is what you want right?” Aaron breathed heavily, staring at Robert blankly.

Robert felt his heart ache as he imagined the thought of Aaron leaving. The kiss between them had made Robert's mind forget the guilt he had, instantly he's thoughts raced back to all the happy times they had shared. Home Farm. The week they shared together back when their worries were a distant memory. Robert stood shocked by the bluntness in Aaron’s voice, confused by what he had meant.

“What?”

“You've won, I'm here.” Aaron couldn't explain how he felt. All he wanted was to embrace Robert again, to allow Robert to kiss him hard and never let him go. Yet he knew it was wrong, he knew that once they had finished, he would feel empty again. He was aware that the hate he had for Robert would never leave him, even though he still felt the need to sleep with him.

“Won? Won what?” Robert stared at Aaron clearly struggling to understand what he meant.

“I know you want me." Aaron smiled weakly, teasing Robert as he brushed his lips softly.

Robert felt his heart race as he watched Aaron stare at him blankly, their was no love left in his eyes.

“You always wanted no feelings right? No … nothing but meaningless sex. Well here I am." Aaron breathed heavily once more catching his breath before pulling himself forward and kissing Robert's neck softly.

Robert's mind raced with thoughts. Karma was at the forefront. Ever since the affair started the ‘no feelings’ policy was always on his mind. He thought back to the man who had told Aaron on his wedding day that what they had wasn't a love story. He resented his words. Robert pushed Aaron away roughly realising that Aaron felt nothing but lust for him anymore. The tables had turned. Instead of Aaron being the one who couldn't help but pine for Robert, who was madly in love enough to admit his feelings, Robert was. He had taken his place reluctantly as he gazed at Aaron worriedly, noticing the numb expression Aaron was displaying.

As Aaron was pushed away by Robert, his heart began to race. It killed him knowing that Robert couldn't be what he needed, after everything that they had gone through Robert still rejected his advances. The thought made him sick as his mind raced back to the constant rejections that Aaron had been through in the past. All the times where Robert had promised him more and yet offered him nothing. His whole body began to shake as he looked at Robert who had dropped his head down slowly, ignoring Aaron's stare.

“I can't do this. You’re a mess just look at you Aaron!” Robert whispered loudly, looking up and waving his arms around in frustration.

Aaron saw the anger build inside Robert, “And? You didn't care back then. You didn't care when you knew I was self harming. It didn't stop you from dropping your trousers did it?”

“That … that was different. That was before everything happened a-and I knew how I felt about you properly."

Aaron chuckled, “Before you loved me?”

Robert stared at Aaron embarrassed that he found the prospect so humorous, “Yeah.”

“Well the thing is Rob, what I feel for you it's … it's just lust. I don't love you, just like you didn't love me before. It's simpler now, like you always wanted." Aaron smiled weakly, pushing himself onto Robert once more.

Robert felt his heart beat erratically as tears began to fill his eyes. As he looked into Aaron's eyes, he saw someone familiar. Himself. The more he thought about it, the more the cocky, selfish man who had ripped off Aaron's clothes without a second thought for feelings sprang to mind. It made him sick. He had never seen Aaron like this before, the words cut deep into his skin overruling any other thoughts he was thinking and drowning him was heartache.

“So we can kiss, have sex and … and then I can walk away. Just like you did.” Aaron said staring into Robert's eyes before winking.

The pieces slowly began to come together, Robert began to understand what Aaron was doing.

For nearly a year Aaron was the bit on the side, as he watched Robert be warm and loving one minute and then cold and icy the next. This was his comeuppance. Aaron was making him feel exactly like he had. Robert's head banged with his pain as he sat down slowly on the stairs, breathing heavily as he tried his hardest to comprehend Aaron's final act of revenge .


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Robert becomes aware of exactly how Aaron feels about him will it be too late to change his mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! Happy reading ;)

 

_You know I never really thought about your feelings when this started._

 

_Yeah no kidding, and now?_

 

_  
The truth is for me they still don't._

 

The conversation swirled round and round in Robert's mind, overwhelming him entirely. The lies that he had spat to Aaron that day haunted him. How could he have been so blind to his feelings? How could he have hurt Aaron the way he did. The more Robert looked at Aaron the more he felt sick and tormented by his words, the realisation hat Aaron felt the same made his heart ache.

Why? Why did he have to ruin it? Ruin everything that they could have shared? The months after he had broken Aaron’s heart were clouded with hurt and anger. Pain, that Aaron had betrayed him so cruelly. The hurt Andy felt and his own pain had overruled the guilt that was buried inside. Yet as Robert watched his lover stand so strong, the agony came spilling out causing an ugly mess of a man to take the place of him. Allowing the blameless, charming man to disappear and be replaced with a vulnerable tortued boy.

Aaron moved in closer, suffocating Robert's surroundings, “Oh c’mon Robert. I'm saying your free. I'm saying that we can be like you always wanted it to be. No feelings, no strings.” Robert stared up at the man who was leaning over him, the man who was deadly serious as he stared back awaiting an answer.

Robert stood up, making Aaron smile weakly as he awaited a kiss from Robert.

Robert leaned in closer, closing his eyes as he touched Aaron's forehead slowly, instantly feeling a warm sensation shine through his body. He couldn't resist, kissing him gently as he felt Aaron lace his arms round him tightly.

Yet the heartache lingered on as felt Aaron's gentle touch, “I get it." Robert said yanking himself away and beginning to cry pathetically. “You … you felt like this. You felt this empty worthless feeling whenever I used to meet you for sex. Whenever I told you I that I only had half an hour before I had to leave again. Before I had to run home to Chrissie. But that was then and I'm … I'm so sorry for that, but I can't do this. I can't do it because … because I love you too much to let you go … again …. and again.” Robert's face began to turn red as Aaron gazed at him confused.

Robert's feelings hadn't entered his head at all as he made his way towards the cottage, as he began to pull him into a kiss, or even as he suggested they had meaningless sex. Yet as he looked at him he realised the guilt that Robert carried with him. The guilt he had for how he treated Aaron. It was becoming unbearable for Aaron seeing Robert look so heartbroken. He had never anticipated that Robert would still feel something for him after everything. Especially after everything.

“Robert. I'm over it. Don't …. don't be guilty about it.”

“Of course I should feel guilty, I've ruined us.”

Aaron couldn't argue the point, a few months ago the thought of being intimate with Robert scene shivers down his spine and made his heart flutter wildly, yet as he stood in the silent cottage the thought of him and Robert left him feeling numb. Being close with him only made him think of what could have been, made him realise what was already broken.

Aaron sighed before kneeling down in an attempt to comfort Robert, “Robert … there's nothing that you can do about it.” Aaron sighed as he acknowledged the words that came pouring out of his mouth. “We … we just have to forget about us."

Robert looked up at Aaron admiring the courage he saw in his eyes, the strength and will power present with ever breath. The thought of ‘forgetting’ about what they shared, what they had together was impossible. Forgetting the times they shared felt wrong and unnatural. Robert gulped hard as he accepted the fact that he would never be able to forget Aaron.

“If only it was that easy eh."

Aaron sighed loudly, closing his eyes momentarily as he heard the sadness behind Robert's words. “You … you haven't even hurt me yet.

Aaron stared confused, “What?”

“I nearly kill you, you … you find out about Katie a-and what I did to Paddy and you … you haven't even-”

“What's the point!”

Robert saw the anger build in Aaron's eyes, the passion that he knew was still there. “I … I just - ”

“You want me to lay you out is that it? Because it won't help you Robert. That's not how it is anymore. You responsible for hurting me, then me lashing out, you feeling better about yourself!”

The room fell silent again, allowing a cold unwelcoming air to overwhelm the room. Robert knew Aaron was right, when he found out he was self harming again Robert didn't think twice about taking a beating in order for Aaron to feel better. He hated seeing him in pain yet he couldn't deny that helping Aaron made him feel better about the damage he had done to him in the first place. It made his heart race as he began to realise exactly how much Aaron knew about him. Robert turned his head away from Aaron's stare, now almost paranoid thinking that Aaron could read his thoughts.

Minutes rolled by, the silence becoming more and more unbearable. Robert let out a heavy sigh, shifting his weight forward slightly and looking into Aaron's eyes, “You're right.”

“Hm."

Robert walked towards Aaron slowly, and kissed his forehead, instantly the realisation that it would be the last time he would ever be so close to Aaron again hit Robert hard. Forcing tears to fill his eyes quickly overwhelming him. The love he felt for him would never leave him, the feeling of safety and warmth that washed over him whenever Aaron was near would near disappear. Yet for the first time in his life Robert felt the need to let him go. It was the most selfless thing he had ever thought, allowing Aaron to move on and not be reminded of the terrible things Robert had done.

Robert felt numb as he racked over the thoughts that Aaron had said. The fact that in Aaron's eyes, Robert would always be nothing more than a dark reminder of how naïve and vulnerable Aaron could be. The realisation that Aaron would only turn to Robert for sex made him feel sick, knowing that whenever Aaron knocked on his door it wouldn't be for pleasure yet for a sense of punishment that he had given into.

Aaron shivered slightly, looking up at Robert and seeing the sorrow build in his eyes. Months before, the very mention of Robert's name had filled him with love, warmth and a feeling of hope. Yet as he stared blankly, all he saw was the face of a man who had taken so much from him.

Aaron sighed to himself angrily as his mind began filling with thoughts of lust. After everything that had happened between them, Aaron still felt the urge to fall into Robert's lips and forget all the problems. He had never felt like this, it was like he was addicted to the hurt Robert caused him, turned on by thrill of the moment where Robert and him were so intimate yet instantly saddened by the aftermath. It could only be compared to some sort of drug, the high he felt with every kiss, the buzz, the excitement and then the downfall. The emptiness that replaced it instantly after it was gone.

Some people are addicted to smoking, killing themselves slowly as they puff away, some people are addicted to alcohol, destroying themselves after each glug of the poison.

Robert Sugden was Aaron's addiction, shattering his heart with every kiss.

Robert moved away from Aaron as he watched him place his hands in his head sighing heavily.

“I know that … being here with me … it's … hurting you. I know because … it's hurting me too.”

Aaron moved his head up, “Robert.”

“Listen to me Aaron, I'm … I'm gonna leave you alone. It's … it's for the best.”

Aaron sighed before opening his mouth to speak.

“But … b-ut I … I need you to do the same.”

“You what?”

“I can't have you coming here whenever you feel bad about yourself. Whenever you feel like I'm what your deserve. A spineless coward.”

Aaron felt his heart ache, he hated Robert yet seeing him in pain still managed to bring tears to his eyes, “I … I promise.”

With that Aaron stood up slowly and walked towards the door, slowly opening it and allowing the cool air to overwhelm him, drying his tears quickly. Robert couldn't help but stare at Aaron as he stood by the door, his heart screamed out for Aaron to tell him he still loved him. But he knew it wasn't true, he knew that the feelings were lost for good, demolished by his own devious, selfish actions.

“Robert.”

“Please Aaron -”

“I just wanted to say … thank you for … you know just saying no … to us you know sleeping together tonight.”

“You don't need to -"

“I do. And I'm sorry.”

“Sorry for what? You … I can't change how you feel. I wish … oh god I wish that you didn't hate me. But … it's what I deserve.”

Aaron nodded slowly, fighting the urge to convince Robert he was wrong, but it was pointless. Aaron knew he was right.  
“What can I say eh? Karma’s a bitch!”

Aaron almost laughed at the bluntness of Robert's words. Robert smiled weakly and soon both men were laughing. The sound of Sam snoring broke the rare moment of happiness between the ex lovers and forced a sense of seriousness.

“Well … well I'll er … I'll go then.” Aaron said all of a sudden feeling melancholy.

“See you then.” Robert muttered, the bittersweet feeling of letting Aaron go made Robert's heart swell as he watched Aaron walk back to the pub.

Robert walked up to his room again before walking over to his window and looking out onto the village, he couldn't help but stare in Aaron's direction, promising himself that he was gazing at nothing more than just a stranger in the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it was all a bit angsty and sad but if you liked it let me know! X

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's quite sad and negative! I just love the drama! Leave a comment and let me know what you think? X 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: Fangirlqueen87


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